Playing the Odds

gamblingI have never been a very good gambler. That whole thing about beginners luck never held true for me as the very first time I tried it, I lost every bit of the $40 I had on a slot machine with mermaids on it. I just kept pressing buttons and pulling levers hoping money would come out. My thought was, that if I pulled that lever and pressed those buttons enough times, eventually I might win something. But alas, those cheeky girls with their sparkly tails and well-endowed sea shells mocked me every time. It seems to me that dating is kind of like gambling. You wear your lucky earrings/dress/underwear, ask your friends to cross their fingers for you and you pull the lever. You take a chance with each bet, put all your chips out there and pray you don’t go home empty-handed. If you are like me though, you begin to get discouraged by all of the epically disappointing Friday nights that you have begun to accumulate. Trying to keep your spirits up, you may have some well-meaning friends offer up advice and encouragement. “Keep at it!” They cry enthusiastically over another round of drinks at girls night. “Eventually one of them has to work out!” And so, you wade through the pile of emails, winks and texts..hoping that you will hit the jackpot with the next guy.

I was just starting to get to that point again..the “F$&# it!” point. Where it was starting to feel as though the only guys who were messaging me were the very last people on Earth I would ever think of dating. Now, on this site, you can select a few different characteristics of the guy you are looking for. Age range, height, body type, education..the list goes on. I decided that 26-36 was probably a pretty solid range for me as a now 28 (thanks for the reminder) year-old woman. I’m fairly open to expanding that range, but my experience has been that if I go too much younger or older, those men aren’t really at the same place in their life as I and it can be hard to find things in common. You would be shocked (or maybe not so shocked) by the number of 21-year-olds and 50+ gentlemen who still message me though I have this age range displayed. The following is the sweetest creepy old man message I have ever received.I may or may not have read it out loud to my teacher friends at lunch one day…ok…may..

“A compliment for a lovely lady-

If you believe that age is just a number, then I hope that you would continue reading. You appear to be a young lady who has an unusual self-awareness, yet also a great depth of character, which is not the norm within your peer group.

You seem to be far wiser and more grounded than your years might imply. You also appear to have a keen and nimble intellect and be willing to dip your toe into new and exciting waters. I like curiosity in a person, which you seem to have in abundance, and of course you are just lovely.

I am a cheerful, fit, fun, thoughtful, and emotionally well adjusted man. I take each day on its own merits. There is always something new to discover and a new path to follow wherever it might lead. I am a curious traveler, an innovative cook, a man whose talents are now given to writing fiction and whose favorite physical activities are tennis, hiking, biking, and gardening. Toss in a trip to a museum, the theater opera and you start to get a clear picture of the man behind the keyboard in cyberspace.

Yes, there is an age gap between us. However, I think that you probably march to your own drummer; that you might be someone who is inclined toward living her life a little out of the ordinary box and be interested overcoming the great American taboo concerning older/younger friendships.

Of course there is some distance between us, but I am far more interested in QUALITY than convenience and you represent quality in its most extreme form.

So…please do review my profile and if the spirit moves you, I’d love to hear back from you.”

Ciao bella,

It was a lovely message, written by a man who was the same age as my dear old dad. I appreciated the thought and time he took to send me that, but I couldn’t help but feel even more discouraged. Was this what it had come to? Messages from horny 21 year olds whose only pictures were ab shot selfies and men who were eligible for the senior citizen discount at the movies? Maybe I’m being too picky here (not likely) but I really had a hard time believing this was all the dating world had to offer me.bathroom-selfiemaleselfies

Besides that nice creepy old man message, I also got one from a 58 year old man that just stated. “Don’t settle.” umm…ok..I won’t. Thanks for the advice. Sheesh.

Sure, it’s nice to have men think that you are kinda are’s would be nice if every once in a while you thought they were awesome too. So, like I said before…”F$&# it!” point…I was on the verge of giving up on the whole dating idea altogether when something happened..It was just like one of those dramatic action movies where it seems that all is lost and then the hero swoops in to save the heros came in the form of two messages from two men. Attractive, 28-year-old men! I think I actually pinched myself. They were as different as night and day, but they gave me hope that maybe one of them would make all of my pictures line up and I’d hit the jackpot.



3 thoughts on “Playing the Odds

  1. Hi singleintherivercity –

    I came across your blog posting while doing a Google search of the username “ralphwaldo1803.” I, too, have tried my luck at online dating (though I frequently wonder why!) and this morning I received a message from this guy…which is the same as yours, word for word. Furthermore, this is actually the third time I have received the exact same message from him. The first time was two years ago, which I politely declined – appreciating, just as you had, that he would take the time and effort to send such kind words. (I am your age by the way, but live in Michigan.) I reactivated my profile this past July, to receive a carbon copy of the message this man had already sent me before. I also politely declined that one, even though he had just elevated to creeper status. Anyway, shortly afterwards I hid my profile because I realized I didn’t have enough time for dating, but recently became an active member again. Low and behold, I log into my account the day I reactivate, to find a familiar message from one “ralphwaldo1803.” Also interesting to note is that each of these messages where received the very same day my profile went active, which leads me to believe this creepy old man has nothing better to do than troll the internet for young women, hoping to hook one with his self-serving “age is just a number” motto. I always find it interesting that these older men who preach that age isn’t important, only seem to embrace that way of thought when it benefits them. You never see them looking for women older than they are!

    Anyway, I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. Hope you found this bit of information interesting!

    P.S. – Good luck with your foray into online dating! I can definitely identify with all the other thoughts you have shared here as well.

  2. So, I thought I would just add that I just found several more blogs also referencing this same message we received. All the recipients are women in their 20s. If you Google search the subject of his e-mail message, you hit the jackpot. What a creep. Here are just a few:

  3. Hey there M.M.! Read your comment with my friend and both of our mouths dropped to the ground. While this story is pretty crazy, I’m glad this creepo inadvertantly led you to my blog. 🙂 Thanks for the heads up..we single gals need to stick together! Hope you enjoy reading some of my own crazy stories and good luck out there in the dating world. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

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