Today I have accomplished all of the above and have lingered on the last. I spent the majority of the afternoon/evening yesterday hanging out with Josh and his friends. It was fun! I really liked seeing him interact with them and though he is not normally a big drinker, he indulged enough to get a little tipsy. Now I have been around a lot of drunk men through the course of my life and quite a few (if not all) of my past boyfriends have been pretty big partiers. They also, 9 times out of 10, fell into one of the following categories every time they picked up a drink. Picture in your mind…the seven dwarfs, but for drunk men. For the sake of time and if you’re like me…your limited attention-spans… I will just mention three.
I had a few who would turn into this helpless, sometimes even teary-eyed man-child whenever alcohol was involved. I was constantly reassuring them and pumping their egos all night..which was a total buzz kill/turn off. I’m sorry, I thought I was your girlfriend..I sure as hell did not sign up to be your mom/psychiartist.
I dated more still who would turn into the “look at me..look at me!” guy who decided that it was his job to make sure all eyes were on him..he accomplished this by bellowing every damn thing he had to say. It was completely mortifying to have to be attached to this neanderthal that was once my boyfriend. I’d cringe interally and grow increasingly irritated when I’d start to see people roll their eyes and move to an opposite corner of the room. Any attempt I’d make to let him know how obnoxious he was being, would usually lead to a dramatic scene where I was “trying to hold him back” and “why couldn’t I just let him have fun?” Blah blah blah..don’t clip my wings..I get it, but you’re being an asshole so let’s just take this down about ten-thousand notches. That’d be great. This would, more often than not, segue later into WEEPY and another exhausting night where I’d give considerable thought to leaving drunky in the cab to fend for himself. Somehow I’d refrain..mostly because that poor cab driver never did anything to deserve that. And finally…..
Even more embarassing. Try having to explain to all of your girlfriends that no, you’re sure your boyfriend did not mean to grab their ass…and no..you can’t believe that he told their cousin that he and I were “broken up”..I’d try to laugh it off, make lame excuses for him, pretend that these girls were just imagining things and then later, when I’d confront these flirty douches..they would actually have the AUDACITY (ps..love this word and generally feel as though you should always shake your fist in the air dramatically whenever using it..) the AUDACITY!!! I TELL YOU!! to make me feel as though I was just being crazy and jealous. It is way too easy to make an Italian girl feel guilty. It’s almost not even fair how easy.
So I have to say, the fact that Josh wasn’t super interested in getting wasted on a regular basis, was a major plus for me. I was however, curious as to what category of drunk Josh would fall into. I am majorly pumped to report that he didn’t fall into ANY of those. He was fun and sweet and super relaxed. I’m sure he probably will have his moments at some point…Lord knows I will/have already had.. and that’s cool..but I don’t see him being any of those types. Crisis averted! I didn’t have to babysit him, stroke his ego, tell him to quiet down or worry about him making out with the bartender in a dark corner. Thank God. I could relax, and get a little drunk myself and we had a great time.
So by now you might be wondering what kind of drunk I am…well I think I probably fall into the Sentimental Drunk category. I’m the girl who goes up to her friends and tells them how much she loves them…it usually starts off with one of these “you guys….” and all of my friends know what is coming next..they even have a planned response to this. “We know Jules..we love you too.” I make friends with everyone..and I mean everyone (the bartender, the drunk girl puking in the bathroom, the man walking his dog down the street, the cab driver..you name it!)…and I feel A LOT of feelings. Mostly happy, you’re my friend and I love you, feelings. Sometimes they are “I want to share everything and talk about life” feelings. lol.
Well last night, I was feeling pretty good and was intent on making the standoffish girlfriend of one of Josh’s friends, my new friend. This chick was making me work pretty hard! and unfortunately, had one of those BRFs – you know..Bitchy Resting Faces? It’s when a girl’s face naturally falls into bitch mode. Bless her heart…she can’t help this! Maybe the corners of her mouth naturally turn down…and she constantly gets asked things like, “Are you ok?” “Is something wrong?” BRF strikes again! So anyway, it took a little bit, but with the help of a few vodka limeades..I was making progress. She asked me how Josh and I first met and with a slight hesitation I told her “online.” Even with the increasing numbers of singles flocking to this as an acceptable resource, I still sometimes felt slightly embarassed to admit that I had been desperate enough to turn to online dating. The stigma associated with this is rapidly fading, but I can’t help but feel a little bit like a dating loser every time I tell someone. I went on to tell BRF girl that I tried it because it had been a long time since I had dated and that I had been having a hard time meeting single guys because of my job, the people I spent my time with and my lack of a desire to get picked up at a bar. She seemed to sympathize (woohoo..she likes me! she really likes me!) and asked how long it had been since I last dated…err…you know..only like 7 years..give or take. And here’s where my “I want to share everything” drunk self stepped in. Thank goodness I only gave an abbreviated version of what happened with Jeff and my subsequent dating difficulties, but I was shocked to see big, fat, crocodile tears running down her cheeks…Maybe she was an Empathetic Drunk…Whatever it was, the BRF shell was cracked…the R changed to an F. There were hugs. Lots of hugs.
“Don’t be sad,” I told her and pointed to Josh on the couch. “Look at what all that brought me to. That cute guy over there.”
While I dislike the idea of putting our new relationships/significant others through “tests” during the first few months, I think that it is super important to see how they respond in different types of situations. Examples:
1. The “how are they when they drink?” test
2. The “meeting the friends” test
3. The super scary “meeting the family” test. This might not be scary for other people, but when you throw in protective parents who never 100% approved of the last guy that broke your heart (and put a dent in their wallets..paying for a wedding that never happened…still a little peeved about that one) it becomes a big deal introducing them to someone new.
4. The “how are they on roadtrips?” test. If he can’t sing along with a fake microphone at the top of his lungs with the windows down…well…I have serious concerns about where this thing is going. Serious concerns people.
There are about a thousand tests…big and small…silly and serious…Sometimes we aren’t even aware of them, but all of these help us to delve deeper into our person to figure out who they really are (not just who they SAY they are) and if that matches up with what we want.
So far..Josh was making me happy..I didn’t want to rush things or just assume he was THE ONE because he was checking off a lot of my boxes…but it sure felt good to be happy again.