Y’all…the past few weeks..I just can’t even begin to describe the amount of weirdness that flooded into my little world. Let’s talk about coincidences for a second. The very day I published my last post (you know, the one that centered around what happens when your exes move on) I received a message from the cousin of my ex-fiancé. Now she and I had a weird story. Weird is the word of the day if you can’t tell and you will be hearing it many more times before this post is over, so go ahead and drink every time you read it. Coffee…booze…water…pick your poison. So this cousin, when Jack and I were first together he let it slip one night, in a drunken stupor, that she didn’t like me. Didn’t think I was good enough for him. Didn’t think I was pretty enough or had a good enough job.
Let’s address this for a second:
1. I get honked at by truckers all the time…a homeless man once told me I was beautiful (or, now that I think about it, maybe he was talking to the sandwich I just bought him)…a drunk man at a bar stroked the back of my hair as I passed him..twice… and my parents decided to keep me after I was born…so obviously I’m not a total train wreck.
2. I’m a high school English teacher. I expand young minds, give them hugs, Band-Aids and a good portion of my lunch. I listen to their drama, call them on their bullshit, push them to be better human beings, and take home a mediocre paycheck for countless hours of work. Tell me again my job’s not good enough.
The knowledge that she felt this way was definitely a splinter in my heart. A tiny, annoyingly painful thing that I couldn’t quite let go of. This whole “not being good enough” seemed to be a theme in that family. I got left out of the family picture every year at the family reunion and I never felt like I could really be myself with them. I had to be “ON” all the time. It was exhausting. This particular cousin even tried to set Jack up with one of her bridesmaids at her wedding…while he and I were still dating..unbelievable. Well, it took years…probably around 5 1/2… for her to realize I was kind of awesome and one night at the annual family reunion, she finally broke down and decided she loved me. And then we were good! I had no issues with her, except for what she thought of me and that whole trying to get my boyfriend to cheat on me (though I’m sure he wasn’t fighting it that hard)..I thought she was cool, loved her husband and just wanted us all to get along. Ironic that once we finally did, Jack and I ended our relationship not long after. Once that relationship ended, it seemed that she and I actually had an even better one. She was so sympathetic, sending me a message every once in a while after reading one of my blog posts and hearing about the next guy that didn’t work out. She would send a few supportive messages and then disappear for a while. I appreciated it every time she reached out and was glad that at least one person in that family cared about how I was doing. I felt not a little bit abandoned by the rest of them.
So there I was, buzzing around on the internet when I got a new message from her.
“Hey girl. I’ve been reading your blogs and life sounds pretty good. I’m happy for you and am so thankful that divine intervention helped you dodge a few bullets! You deserve to be happy and I’m glad to read that you are.”
“Hey there. It’s good to hear from you. I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying my blog. It’s been fun and definitely a great healer for me. I appreciate all the nice things you had to say. I really am so happy. Josh, the guy I’m dating, is pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me so I’m feeling pretty great about where things are heading with him. We shall see what happens. Hope you all are well. The kiddos are looking so big!”
And that was that….or so I thought.
The next day, I found out Jack and She Who Must Not Be Named got engaged….let’s just let that marinate for a second.
To be honest, I wasn’t all that surprised…I knew it had to be coming eventually and they always say that things come in threes. When I found out, I wasn’t quite sure how to feel. It was a quick drop in my stomach and I waited, worried for a bit that I might cry, but then…to my surprise and relief…I realized I felt pretty ok. In fact, I was more than ok. I was almost gleeful. The moment he put that gaudy, tacky excuse for a ring on her ugly finger, it was the final punctuation in the last chapter of our story. It was done. And now those two horrible excuses for human beings were stuck with each other for as long as they both should live…or at least until one of them cheated on the other and ended things in a nasty divorce. If I was a really good person, that picture probably shouldn’t have given me such a rush of joy, but you know..I’m ok with having a tad bit of spitefulness running through my veins. I’ll try to be a better person next week.
So here’s the really weird part: They got engaged on some mountain during a snow boarding trip (the boy is in debt up to his eyeballs…how he can afford this is beyond me)…on the Saturday of Saint Patrick’s day weekend..which coincidentally just happened to be the same exact day/weekend that we got engaged down at the beach..I’m sorry…what?!? Does anyone else think this is completely crazy?? There are seriously 365 days in a year dude…you couldn’t have picked a different day? Like any of the 364 other ones?? Weird…so weird.. (drink again)
All of the sudden, the ex-cousin’s sweet message made sense to me..I guess she knew what he was up to and I dunno…wanted to reach out somehow to lessen the blow? It seems like some incredible twist of fate though, that the day I published that blog about being ok with your exes moving on, was the day that the biggest ex in my life moved on in a very very big way. When things like this happen in my life, I feel as though that is just the universe telling me that I’m on the right path. I am exactly where I am supposed to be at that very moment. It feels so comforting somehow. Like a big pat on the back…a “keep going girl…you’re heading in the right direction.” Thanks Universe…I’m trying!
As if that weekend wasn’t crazy enough, I then got a message from a girl who used to work with Jack at the restaurant. The infamous place where he also met She Who Must Not Be Named. Now Jess* and I had been friendly and kept in touch over the years and I always had a tiny thought in my head that she had been the one behind the infamous ANONYMOUS EMAIL. You know, the one letting me know that Jack was a huge piece of shit and cheating on me oh so epically. So when she sent me this message, it wasn’t a HUGE surprise, but definitely a piece of information I had resigned myself to never finding out.
“I’m not sure that there will ever be a good time to tell you this, so I will just do it now. I’m the one who sent you that email. The reason I did it anonymously was because Jack knew something about my life that I didn’t want anyone else to know. I wish that I would have had the guts to risk that anyway, but that is beside the point. Jack thought it was Tess*, and even though I tried to tell him it wasn’t, he pretty much stopped talking to her and Jason*. Not that they had all spoken very much anyway since he was being a giant dick.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know it was me for some time now, but felt like I needed to tell Jack first to make things right for Tess*. I’m not sure how you’re going to feel when you read this, but I hope you know I did it because I couldn’t stand the thought of what he was doing to you. You are a great person who treated him way better than he deserved.
I really hope this doesn’t turn things upside down for you. I just thought you should know it was me.”
I wrote her back, let her know that I kind of had an idea it may have been her and thanking her again for being the only one brave enough to let me know. If only she had let me know a few months earlier, it would have saved my parents thousands of dollars, buuuut of course I didn’t tell her that. I was just grateful she had done it at all. I am almost positive Jack would have gone through with that wedding because he was too big of a coward to just tell me the truth. That he didn’t love me and didn’t want to marry me. Which is fine..just LET A GIRL KNOW WOULD YA!?
Next, I get a text from Nate..you remember my Navy Rescue Swimmer who I dated right before Josh…The one whose heart I probably dented a little bit. I still feel badly about that. So it’s 9:30 at night and I’m over at my sister’s house with Josh and I get this buzz on my phone. I didn’t recognize the number since I got a new phone and all my contacts were lost. So I asked who it was and was shocked to see. “It’s Nate!” pop up on the screen. Please keep in mind it’s been a year since I’ve had any kind of contact with him. I asked him how he was, he mentioned that he was getting deployed to the Middle East, I told him to be safe and I thought that was that. Until he texted “I miss you.”
I didn’t respond because really, how do you respond to that? and was a little puzzled to be honest. This guy was such a catch..how was it that he was still single?? And yeah, I think I’m pretty cool and all, but I couldn’t imagine someone still having a thing for me after a whole year of no contact and a somewhat messy break up. I guess you never know. So weird.
So finally, the cherry on top of this Twilight Zone flavored ice cream sundae…a phone call while I was at work..I didn’t answer, because…you know…I was teaching..and later, during lunch, listened to the voicemail that was left. The sound of his voice instantly made me feel like I was going to throw up. It was Jeff. “Hey, umm..if you could call me back, that would be great…bye.” Well there was no way in hell I was going to be calling him back so he could settle for a text.
Me: What do you want?
Jack: Not much. Didn’t want to ask in a text. But do you still happen to have my grandfather’s wedding ring? I was looking for it the other day and couldn’t find it.
Me: I’m not sure. I can check…but if I do, I’d be happy to swap it for the money you owe my parents. I know it’s important for you to get it back since it’s a family ring. Just like it’s important to me that my parents not have to pay for a mistake you made. I’ll check tonight to see if I still have it and let you know. I got rid of everything of yours a long time ago.
My friend Rachel told me it was the classiest “fuck you” she’d ever read.
Jack: ok then.
Me: I don’t think that’s unfair considering you promised to use the money from my ring to pay them back. That was two years ago.
He never responded to that.
I told you it was a weird weird week.. My head’s still spinning from it..